Fat is not a feeling

It isn’t. You can’t “feel" fat just like you can’t “feel" orange.

“But I can!" you say, “I feel fat."

Sure, some days we wake up feeling bloated or water loaded, but still it doesn’t mean you are fat. And, what we consider fat in our culture is considered beautiful in another culture. Our perspective becomes skewed by our own culturally idealized body images. And still, fat is not a feeling. Really it is an internal feeling that is then projected onto our appearance.

“But, I ate so much yesterday I must have gained 10lbs overnight!"

No, that again is a distortion. If you look at how our body weight naturally ebbs and flows it can vary from day to day how much we weigh. That is usually within a three-pound range. You can’t gain 10 lbs overnight. But, I don’t want to get into the science of it, more the psychological aspect.

I love how Dr. Stacy Nye a specialist in the field of eating disorders describes this, “Saying I feel fat can often be a common denominator for a variety of powerful forces, especially dysphoric moods."

(Dysphoric = an emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression, or unease.)

 “The problem comes when a person is unable to decipher these moods and they get condensed into a final common denominator – feeling fat" Says Dr. Nye.

Some people use this as a catchall. They are anxious – they interpret it, as “I feel fat." They are scared of a social situation and so they say, “I feel fat." They are lonely…then they say, “I feel fat."

And you know, it is a universal phrase don’t you think? It is much easier to say to someone, “I feel fat today." Then to say, “Gosh I am really lonely and down today."

The technical term for this is Alexithymia – not being able to read feelings.

“Even if you are overweight, your actual weight is not what leads you to feel fat one minute and not the next, and not the problem that needs to be dealt with at the time. Just like the problem with gambling is not the cards. The problem with compulsive shopping is not the stores. The problem with feeling fat is not literal fatness, but the painful emotional state within." Says Dr. Nye.

   As a loved one of someone struggling, when they say, "I feel fat" don't argue and don't invalidate. It is a waste of energy. Instead say, "What is the feeling underneath? Are you sad, lonely, anxious...etc." 

How do I do this you ask?

First, the next time you hear the phrase in your mind beginning to land into words. Ask yourself, “What is it that I am really feeling?" Am I lonely? Am I tired? Am I anxious? Am I nervous? 

 If you can’t identify your emotions ask your therapist to give you a sheet with a list of emotions.

Another helpful tool is a behavior chain. The behavior chain can help you back up in time to find out what led to the statement “I feel fat." It is like retracing your steps when you lose something.

Start with the statement, “I feel fat." Then work backwards to emotions, feelings, and prompting events that might have led up to the feeling. Most likely you will see in the pattern something that led up to it. Then begin to notice times when it happens most often. Is it when you are in certain situations? Around certain people? Watching certain TV shows?